What to do when your husband hurts you

Warning!!! This post: What to do when your husband hurts you, talks about the ups and downs (regular sufferings) of marriage. This post is not about abuse. If you are in the U.S. and need help visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline or call 1-800-799-7233.

(Please know the difference between regular suffering and abuse. Under no circumstances should you submit yourself to abuse.)

I think we have all been there, all of us have been hurt by our husbands and we have hurt our husbands also.

Sometimes we don’t mean to hurt people, but we do it because of our sinful nature.

Thank God, as His children we have His nature in us and we can choose how to respond when our husbands hurt us.

Here are a few tips that will help you handle the situation better.

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1. Pray

When we get hurt, the first thing we need to do is pray. Let this be the first reaction to your hurt. Pause for a moment and ask The Holy Spirit to help you in this situation, ask Him to give you wisdom to know how to act and what to say.

The Bible tells us that we have not because we ask not. So, ask! The Holy Spirit is your helper, He is your comforter. He knows what is in your heart and what is inside your husband’s heart.

Ask God to change you if there is any area in your life that needs changing or improving. I believe we are a work in progress and we can always do better.

2. Realize that your husband is imperfect

It doesn’t matter how wonderful you think your husband is, the truth is that he is not perfect and sooner or later he will let you down and hurt you.

Your husband is human and he makes mistakes, when he hurts you, you need to give him the same grace that God has given you.

Remember that you are also imperfect and make mistakes. But marriage is not about being perfect, marriage is about learning to love each other and forgive each other besides all the imperfections.

The only one that will never let you down is Jesus and the sooner we accept this reality the easier it will be to give grace, forgive and move on.

3. Be like Christ

When we get hurt our first reaction is usually to fight back. But Jesus tells us that we should turn the other cheek.

I know this is easier said than done but this is definitely the best way to act.

When we fight back it creates an atmosphere of anger and resentment and it opens the door for the devil to create a distance between you and your husband.

Choose to do good instead. Do good because Jesus did good to you. Give the same grace that was given to you.

Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you.

Luke 6:28

3. Forgive

The word of God tells us that in order to be forgiven we should forgive those who hurt us.

Don’t meditate on the words that were said or the actions that were taken that caused your hurt. Don’t dwell on it.

The more you meditate on it, the deeper your wound will be. Forgive instead. When we choose to forgive we choose to move on.

4. Be honest on how you feel

Hiding the way we feel is not healthy. Its ok to feel sad, disappointed, hurt. Find the right time to talk to your husband about the way you feel. Don’t hide your feelings.

Sometimes we think that our husbands know it all but we need to remember that men and women are very different. He may not even realize that he hurt you.

So, be honest with yourself and be honest with him, even if you don’t think he is listening, I promise you that he is. Remember God is working in his heart.

5. Don’t harden your heart towards your husband

One of the most important things that we can fight for in this life is our marriage.

Our marriages are not only a covenant that we have made with our husbands but more importantly, it’s a covenant that we have made with God.

We promised that we were going to be there in the good times and in the bad times (again, abuse is never acceptable). So fight for your marriage!

Don’t harden your heart towards your spouse. Think about all the good things and don’t dwell on the bad. The more we think about the bad things the more our hearts will harden.

6. When your husband hurts you don’t use your mouth to destroy

Our words are powerful, they can build up and they can destroy, they can bring life and they can bring death.

Be led by The Spirit of God to say the right things and to know when to be quiet. Sometimes it’s better not to say anything than to say something that we will regret later.

Use your mouth to bless your husband and your marriage. Use your mouth to speak life. Remember that your words are seeds and they reproduce after their own kind.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.

Proverbs 18:21

Speak words of life, you can find here the most important thing you should confess over your marriage.

7. Trust God for results

When your husband hurts you remember that there is nothing impossible for God. Have faith and know that God is powerful enough to change your husband.

If you don’t give up, if you trust God you will see the results.

The Word of God tells us that He is able to do above and beyond anything we can ask or think. He makes a way where there seems to be no way.

Don’t try to change your husband, trust God instead!

Do work on yourself, learn how to be a better Christian wife, the wife that God has called you to be. Give 100% to your marriage.

I love the books Kingdom Marriage, Kingdom Woman and Kingdom Man. I think they are a great resource and they will help you greatly to work on yourself and your marriage.

Don’t give up hope, remember that God is greater than any circumstance and He loves your husband more than you do.

Have faith and you will see your situation change.