11 Secrets to a Successful Marriage
How many marriages do you know have ended up in divorce?
I’m pretty sure that was not their goal when they said “I Do”. I’m sure they imagined a successful marriage with a happily ever-after.
But marriage is not a fairy tale, marriage is hard, and it requires a lot of work on both parts. Marriage is not for quitters or selfish people.
Yes, marriage is hard, and at the same time it is beautiful and so worth fighting for.
Is it possible to have a successful marriage nowadays?
But like I said before, marriage requires work on both parts. Both of you working together as a team and giving your best all the time.
I don’t want you to get discouraged if your husband is not giving his best to your marriage. Start working on your marriage yourself and start praying and believing God for your husband.
Remember, there is nothing impossible to God, He makes a way where there seems to be no way. He restores hearts, and marriages and families. Don’t give up on your husband and don’t give up on your marriage.
[This is very important, and I need you to pay close attention to this: It is never God’s will for you to stay in an abusive relationship. I know many christian women get confused by this. But God does not want you or your children to stay in an abusive relationship].
[Leaving a home where you or your children are being abused is not giving up on your marriage. It does not make you a quitter; it makes you strong. Please seek help if you find yourself in this situation.]
How to have a successful marriage
1. Put God first
When you decide to put God first in your life, there is a change in you that happens as you draw near to God.
The closer you are to God, the more you are being transformed to be more like Jesus. You will talk more like Him, you will think more like Him, and you will act more like Him.
This transformation affects your marriage positively, your marriage is blessed by your change.
When you put God first, you will learn to listen to His voice, and His voice will give you the wisdom, the patience, the love and the commitment that you need to have a successful marriage.
2. Make your marriage a priority
After your relationship with God, nothing should be more important than your marriage.
Many of us have made the mistake of putting our marriages on hold while our kids are little. I’m guilty of it.
There is a time when our kids are little that they need all the attention from mommy and daddy, but even during those first years you need to make an effort to put your marriage first.
Here are a few tips that can help you put your marriage first:
- Work on yourself so you can be the best version of yourself: Nobody wants to be around an angry, overwhelmed, and naggy person. Take a few minutes a day to pray for yourself, to breathe, and decompress.
2. Date night: date night doesn’t have to be anything fancy. A stroll around the park, just the 2 of you holding hands can do wonders for your marriage. You need time alone with your husband.
3. I know how lovely it is to have your kids sleep in bed with you, but that cannot happen every night. You and your husband need time alone, privacy, and intimacy.
4. Make time during the day to talk to each other.
5. Be affectionate. This doesn’t have to be sexual, but it can be if you want to.
6. Remember that you two are a team, so present a united front in front of the kids and the world.
As cool and wonderful as your husband may seem, he is an imperfect man.
He will make mistakes, he will say the wrong things, he will hurt your heart and he will make you cry. It will happen because he is human.
You will make mistakes, you will say the wrong things, you will hurt his heart and you may even make him cry too, because you are imperfect as well.
Be quick to forgive, don’t hold grudges or bring up the past, don’t keep score.
Unforgiveness will keep your marriage from moving forward and it will keep you chained up to the pain, the hurt and the resentment.
Give your husband the grace, the love and the forgiveness that God has given you and move forward together.
If you have a problem with forgiveness I want to encourage you to watch this video, I think it will bless you.
And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.Luke 6:31
How many times have you said this same verse to your kids or people you know?
Have you ever thought about applying this wise bible verse to your marriage?
Treat your husband with the same kindness that you want him to treat you.
Here are a few tips that will help you to be kind to your husband:
- Arguments and disagreements will happen, but instead of trying to win or prove your husband wrong, just be kind and agree to disagree.
- A kind word or a compliment can do wonders for your marriage.
- Give grace, don’t be so quickly offended.
- Once words leave your mouth, they can’t be taken back. Be careful with what comes out of your mouth.
- Smile, you look more beautiful when you smile plus smiling reduces tension!
- Patience and kindness go hand to hand, so be patient with your husband.
Communication is a key secret for a successful marriage.
When 2 different people, with different backgrounds, that think, act, and speak differently come together, problems are going to arise.
Finding a healthy way of expressing your thoughts and emotions to each other will bring happiness to your marriage, will minimize problems, reduce stress and will build up the relationship.
In order to have a successful marriage, you and spouse have to make communicating with each other a priority.
Here are a few tips that will help you improve communication in your marriage (check out this post for more tips).
- Respect and honor your spouse.
2. Be led by The Spirit of God.
3. Speak the truth in love.
4. Spend time together. Make time for each other!
5. Be willing to change and improve.
6. Think of yourselves as a team.
7. Quit unhealthy communication habits, like yelling.
8. Don’t call each other ugly names (idiot, stupid, etc.).
9. Always demonstrate your love with touch. Communication is more than words.
10. Be specific when you talk. Your spouse is not a mind-reader.
6. In the good times and the bad times
Many newlyweds come into marriage with the mindset of: “I can always get a divorce if this doesn’t work”. That right there is one of the reasons why there are so many failed marriages today.
Marriage is a covenant, an agreement that you made before The Lord and your husband. In this covenant, you agreed to be by your husband’s side in the good times and the bad times.
But what is happening now days is that when the bad times come, everybody wants out. What about that promise you made to God and your spouse?
In marriage, just like in life, storms will come and go. Jesus never said that you won’t have any problems, He actually said that we will have tribulations in this world, but He is right there with you to help you through the storm.
Don’t run out the door when times get tough. Get close to Jesus, pray and be led by The Holy Spirit, He will never lead you wrong.
Remember the covenant you made to be together in the good times and the bad times. The storms in life don’t last a lifetime, they seem like they do when you are in the middle of them, but they come and go.
Learn to love the way God loves, His love never fails, and if you don’t know how, ask God to help you. He said ask and you will receive.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no account of wrongs.
Love takes no pleasure in evil, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails.1 Corinthians 13
7. Love is not a feeling
Remember how easy and different things were at the beginning of your relationship when you were crazy in love with your husband?
You had all those lovely feelings that made you feel that together you can conquer the world.
Feelings are nice, but love is not a feeling. Feelings come and go, but love always remains.
Love is a choice that you make every single day, even those days when your husband is not lovable.
Love is that life commitment you made before The Lord and before your husband to love him no matter what.
Don’t let feelings run your life. Choose to love your husband, offer him your unconditional love, that is a recipe for a lasting marriage!
8. Focus on the good things
I’m sure you know by now that marriage is not a fairy tale, your marriage will never be perfect.
It is so easy to focus on the many times your husband has hurt you, on all the things he has said and done wrong. By focusing on the negative you will never move forward.
I’m sure you have hurt your husband too, by saying or doing the wrong things. He is not perfect and you are not perfect either.
So instead of focusing on the negative focus on the good things!
Remember, being positive doesn’t mean that everything is ok, it means despite your circumstances you choose to love your husband and see the good in him.
Don’t dwell on past hurts, move forward and think only on the good things.
A negative mind will never give you a positive life.
I can’t say this enough.
Make your marriage a priority!!!
Being intimate with your husband is part of making your marriage a priority.
Sex in marriage is more than just a physical act, it is a deep connection where you and your husband become one.
According to Jimmy Evans from Marriage Today, there are 5 keys to a successful sex life in marriage.
- Commitment to meeting your spouse’s needs in a faithful manner. Your spouse is your place of pleasure and delight.
- The second key for a sexually fulfilled marriage is communication. Communicate with each other about your sexual needs.
- Commit to sexual purity. Refuse to allow fantasy or lust for another person into your life.
- Create an atmosphere of sexual pleasure within your marriage. Romance plays a big part here.
- Communicate and deal with sexual problems together.
If you need help in this area, I think this article from Mamie Pack can help you spice up your sex life in marriage.
Trust is foundational to a successful and healthy marriage.
Trust takes a long time to develop, but it can be lost in a second.
I read somewhere not too long ago that trust is the glue that holds a healthy marriage together because, without it, a great relationship can’t exist.
But what happens if trust has been broken in your marriage? Can your marriage survive?
The good news is that yes, your marriage can survive because trust can be rebuilt. The bad news is that it takes time, effort, forgiveness, and transparency on both sides. But it is not impossible.
I know many marriages where trust has been broken, and with God’s help, love, commitment, and time they are enjoying a healthy and successful marriage. It is not easy, but it can be done.
So, be honest, be transparent, keep your promises and stay away from temptation. Remember, trust can be lost in a matter of minutes, protect it, cherish it because it is important for your marriage.
It is a blessing to have a faithful spouse, so be one!
Marriage is all about compromise.
There should be no pursuing personal agendas in marriage. You 2 are 1 in God’s eyes. There is no “me” but “us”.
Your relationship is more important than disagreement, than being right and getting your way.
There will always be disagreements and different points of views and different ways to handle things. This is normal because you guys are 2 different people.
Compromise is meeting in the middle to figure out how to make things work.
Remember, marriage is a team work. Sometimes teammates disagree, but finding a common ground and working together is the only way to succeed.
Successful Marriage Quotes
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.Ephesians 4:2
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.Peter 4:8
Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.Mark 10:9
Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.Ephesians 4:32
I hope these 11 secrets can help you have a successful marriage.